FATHER'S TOOLBOX (Ephesians 6:4)

Hi fathers, these are some tips for you to related to your children:

Fathers, activate the joy centre in your child. Look him in the eye with your best smile, and say to him, "You are the sparkle of my eye!"

Fathers, hug each of your children 3 times this week. As you do it, say "You are so wonderful"

Fathers, sms or tell each child with one reason why he is wonderful to you.

Fathers, write these words, "You are my precious child. Daddy loves you very much" on a card and placed it on each of your children's bed or table, to surprise them.

Fathers, ask each of your children "What is one thing that you like daddy to do with you?", then set a date with each child to do it!

Fathers, always look for opportunities to affirm and encourage your children. Be your family's CEO - Chief Encouragement Officer. Look for 1 thing that each of your children has done well and praise them!

Fathers, express your love and commitment to your wife in the presence of your children, saying, "I love you and I am committed to you."

Fathers, affirm the unique personality and talents of each of your children. Tell your children that they are God's gift to your family and the world!

Fathers, if your children are preparing for school examinations, motivate them and tell them, "Daddy believes in you and will always love you."

Fathers, bring fun and laughter to your family. Do a fun activity together or share jokes with one another. Having fun and laughter together help the family to 'de-stress' and not be too hard on yourselves and your children!

Fathers, affirm your children and acknowledge their efforts even when they don't succeed. Remind them, "Daddy will always love you. Nothing will ever change that."

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

Ecclesiastes 3:7

In our choice of words we must steer clear of any expressions that could be perceived as not characteristic of a true Christian.

A mother fell under conviction because of her habit of berating her nine-year old son. Often she would lose her temper and say things to him she knew were deeply hurtful to his self-image and to her relationship with him. On her knees she made a vow to God that she would never say anything demeaning to him again. She had hardly finished her prayer when the front door opened and slammed shut, shaking the whole house. Billy was home from school. The mother felt a flood of anger sweep over her. "How many times have I told him not to slam that door?"

Billy came into the den where she was and, without a word, threw his lunch pail on the floor. Before she could respond to his seeming defiance, he ran down the hallway into his bedroom and deliberately slammed that door.

"I'm going to get that kid," she said. "He knows better than that." She rushed down the hallway, her temper raging, angry words ready to fly out of her mouth. As she put her hand on the bedroom door, the voice of God arrested her. "Didn't you just make a vow to me that you would never again verbally abuse your son?"

"Yes, Lord, but .... "

"Then take your hand off that door, stand there for a moment, and let me give you strength." She felt her anger receding and a calmness flowing into her.

After a few minutes, she quietly opened the bedroom door. Billy was lying across his bed, face down, sobbing softly. She sat down beside him and rubbed his back. Finally he looked up and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"What's the matter, son?" she gently asked.

"Mom, this has been the worst day of my life. My best friend told me he didn't like me anymore, and I flunked my math test."

On that day a mother and her son learned a lesson of life that would forever enhance their relationship. "The tongue has the power of life and death."

THE REASON FOR TRUTH

In Ephesians Chapter 4, Paul gave three reasons for speaking the truth: to demonstrate maturity, to promote unity, and to strengthen one's testimony.

The plea to speak truthfully is predicated on the proposition that we are no longer children spiritually. Children are known for their penchant to fantasize and exaggerate.

There was a story of a little boy who was given to exaggeration, and his mother was trying to break him of the habit. One day he came running in from school and excitedly told his mother that a lion had chased him all the way home.

"Now, Johnny,you know that was no lion; it was only the neighbour's dog down the street. I want you to go to your room and ask the Lord to forgive you." In a few minutes Johnny came out the room looking satisfied.

"Did you speak to the Lord, as I told you, son?" his mother asked.

"Yes, mother," Johnny said, "but the Lord said it was OK because when He first saw that dog, He thought it was a lion too."

We may smile at that story, but if we are not careful, in our eagerness to make an impression or to defend our position, we may very well join Johnny's league!

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE (Matthew 18:34-35)

In their book 'HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE',lFrank Minirth and Paul Meier list six groups of people who are often the object of anger and need to be forgiven:

First, there is often much repressed anger toward our parents. We need to remember that God can cause difficult situations in the past to work for our advantage, and that for the Christian all things work together for good. We need to remember that we too will make mistakes in raising our children. We need to forgive our parents for mistakes and sins they committed in the past when they were raising us, whether they deserve our forgiveness or not.

Secondly, we need to forgive ourselves. Just as we get angry with other people, we become angry with ourselves for not doing better and making few mistakes. We are often critical with ourselves and are harder on ourselves than we are on other people. We need to forgive ourselves for past mistakes and sins. God is aware of our weaknesses. He knows we are but dust. He says that when He removes our sins, they are far from us as the east is from the west. He wants us to do the same and no longer hold our past mistakes against ourselves.

Thirdly, we need to deal with our repressed anger toward God. We do not forgive God, for God has done nothing wrong; but we may have repressed anger or bitter feelings toward Him. We may subconsciously reason in our mind somewhat as follows: After all, He is God, and He could have prevented or corrected the situation if He had chosen to. Like Job we need to confess our anger toward God, talk with Him about it, and ask Him to help us resolve it.

Fourthly, we need to deal with repressed anger toward our mate. We need to forgive him for mistakes he has made. When two individuals live together for many years, many anger-arousing situations occur, and anger can build up over a period of years and years. An individual needs to forgive in order to prevent depression.

Fifthly, we need to forgive those in authority over us. Anger often builds toward authority figures in our lives. We need to forgive them for whatever wrong we feel they may have done us. God has put them in authority over us. We need to respond to them and learn to talk with them about how we feel. Under no circumstances should we hold grudges against them.

The sixth category of those whom we need to forgive is simply classified as 'others'. There are often many other people in our lives whom we need to forgive. This group may include our peers when we were young. Various situations may have occurred then, and the repressed feelings and anger were never dealt with. The anger needs to be confessed and the person(s) forgiven.

QUICK TO LISTEN,SLOW TO SPEAK

In his book 'QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK', Robert E. Fisher lists out 10 Love Guidelines:

1. Stop Talking and Start listening

James 1:19
My dear brothers, take note of this:Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Proverbs 18:13
He who answers before listening-that is his folly and his shame.

2. Think Before You Speak

Proverbs 15:23,28
A man finds joy in giving an apt reply-and how good is a timely word!.....The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.

Proverbs 29:20
Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

3. Speak the Truth in Love

Ephesians 4:15,25
Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ..... Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbour,for we are all members of one body.

Colossians 3:9
Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.

4. Disagree, but Don't Argue

Proverbs 17:14
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Ephesians 4:31
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

5. Control Your Response

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

2 Timothy 2:24-25
And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct.

6. Confess Your Faults

James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

1 John 1:8-9
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

7. Practice Forgiveness

Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another,forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you

Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

8. Eliminate Nagging

Proverbs 10:19
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Proverbs 26:21
As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.

9. Be Constructive, Not Critical

Romans 14:13
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.

Galatians 6:1
Brother, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

10.Leave Vengeance to GOD

Romans 12:17
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.

1 Peter 3:9
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

JESUS FEEDS THE MULTITUDES(lLuke 9)

I am always curious how Jesus fed the multitudes. I now think the way is not as important as the faith that we must have in Jesus-God our provider. After all, God is our Creator, He is creative in the ways He feeds those who trust in Him.

This is a story of George Muller, who was very concerned about the destitute children in the Bristol area of England in the nineteenth century. His concern prompted him to found a series of orphanages which were run on a shoe-string budget. But George Muller had resolved never to purchase anything unless cash was available to complete the transaction. (Food for thought:do not buy on credit with our cards because we don't know when the Lord will take us, thus rendering the debt unpaid!)

One day to his horror he realised that no money meant no bread for his three hundred orphans. That night, instead of going to bed, he stayed awake to pray. He reminded God that these were His orphans, that this work was His work and that the honour of His name was at stake. He begged God to prove afresh His faithfulness.

Next morning he came down to the refectory to find that the tables were laid as usual but the bread-plates were empty. Nevertheless, watched by three hundred hungry-eyed children, he said grace thanking God for the food they were about to receive. The children were about to sit down to face a row of empty plates when the sound of cart-wheels on the gravel drive drew every eye to the window. This noise heralded the arrival of the local baker who had felt compelled that night to bake an extra batch of loaves and to bring them as a gift to 'Mr Muller's children' before he began his morning rounds. With a flurry of excitement the cart was unloaded, the hungry children were fed, and trust in George Muller's never-failing God soared!

JAMES 1:19-20

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

A true listener.........

* Does not interrupt. Interrupting communicates, "What I have to say is more important than what you have to say."

* Invites you to tell her more with words such as, "How did that make you feel?"

* Affirms the speaker with words such as, "Yes, I see." A true listener pays attention not only to the words of the speaker, but also to the emotions that drive the words.

* Does not offer a solution unless asked. "What you should be is ...." This minimizes the person's problems and makes it appear that you have all the answers. In other words, the person feels worse than before they confided the problem.

* Does not judge. For example, "That was a terrible way to act."

* Does not argue. It is better to be kind than correct when listening to someone pour out her heart.

* Listens for the emotions behind the words in addition to the words themselves. "That must have been painful for you."